Thoughts from our Moderator - Stan Rodabaugh

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by washing with water through the word.” Ephesians 5:25&26

“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8

During my years of ministry I strove to love the church. I would frequently say, “The good of the church takes priority over my own desires or needs.” In following my “good intentions,” I neglected my wife and children. If I had been more attentive to my wife and children I would have realized it wasn’t up to them to just buck up and be more faithful. It was up to me to understand my first responsibility to Christ and his church was to love my wife and children the way Christ Jesus loves his church. The most important step in being a pastor was to be the most attentive and loving husband and father possible to my wife and children. I now realize that the most important building blocks of the body of Christ, the Family of God are the relationships in our immediate families. It is foolish to worry about the mortar if the blocks are crumbling. If a pastor is to lead by example and the churches I led had followed mine, I would have served a congregation full of families with neglected spouses and children! I recommend that to measure the health of a congregation, we need only look at how secure the attachments of love are in its families--husbands and wives, parents and children. If I am not loving and caring for my own family, who am I to talk about loving people in or outside of the church? Apparently, it is not commendable to neglect those closest to you. Maybe the question we should be asking when evaluating pastors is, are they effective at loving their wives and children, do they spend adequate time with them, do they have enough fun with them? During my thirty plus years of pastoral ministry I have attended quite a few pastor/spouse events and know quite a few pastoral couples. I have noticed there are many pastor’s spouses who are not only unhappy, but are often bitter. Maybe we need to listen to them and see what could change to bring more peace and joy into the homes of our pastors. I know this is not a simple issue. I grew up in a pastor’s home and have been a pastor myself for many years. Much of the life of the church takes place weekday evenings and weekends. If the pastor’s spouse works a job, shared free time gets excluded in the schedule. I think it would be helpful to refocus our expectations of pastoral leadership! I believe the way I did ministry relative to my family was upside down and inside out; it was wrong. The best environment for a pastor to flourish is a home where there is time to be present with one another and to truly love one another the way Jesus loves his church. I am confident that healthy families are at the heart of healthy and vital congregations.